Claims Humor: Collisions, Calamities, and Injuries

The statements below are supposed to be taken from actual insurance accident claims forms turned in by claimants. They are supposed to be true (I don’t think you can make this kind of stuff up). Read them and laugh. And be glad it wasn’t you.

• Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.
• I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
• I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
• I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
• As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
• In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
• I saw two kangaroos having it off in the middle of the road. So I hit them, which caused me to ejaculate through the sunroof.
• I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
• The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.
• I pulled in to the side of the road because there was smoke coming from under the hood. I realized there was a fire in the engine, so I took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.
• The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.